I’d much rather give help than ask for it. I suppose it’s part pride, part not wanting to be a burden or a bother.
Yesterday morning I had a mini-meltdown. I was overwhelmed with my book project, laundry, dishes, and a five-year-old who does not go to school everyday and especially misses his sister on Mondays. By noon, I had resigned myself that I might not get to write a single word that day. I felt like a horrible mom to keep saying, “Not right now. Please, just give me 20 minutes to finish this stuff!” With the pressure of a looming deadline, I did what any reasonable woman does. I sat down for a little cry.
In the midst of my tears I felt God speak to my spirit, “You’re wasting time with this little pity party. Ask for help.”
I sat up, still sniffling, and began to pray. I confessed that I cannot do these things alone. I cannot be a writer/mother/wife/Bible Study Fellowship leader and do any of them well without God’s help.
Then I felt God whisper, “Keep going. You know what’s next.”
I choked down my pride and sent my in-laws an e-mail asking if there might be any Mondays that they would have free for T-Rex to hang out with them. Within a couple hours, we had worked out a schedule for the next few Mondays. I know that T-Rex and Papa will both have fun making memories.
I felt peace for the first time that day, and I began to relax. I finished the chores. I built a fort that took up the entire living room. I played sword fight on the Wii and let T-Rex win (don’t tell him!). We even worked on his letters and numbers.
Then my sister-in-law showed up with soup for dinner. She has four kids aged 3 and under. I should be the one making her dinner! Yet she insists that to make a little extra for us is no big deal. It’s a big deal to me.
Another friend sent me a message just to stay she prayed for me and my family that day. This time, the tears were out of thankfulness for the blessings I knew I did not deserve.
I asked for help. I received way more than I asked for. And somewhere in the course of that day, I wrote 1/4 of a chapter, and I didn’t even stay up past 11 p.m!
Morning Amelia!
I can totally relate! I don’t have any writing projects right now, but when I have an article I’m working on, or the to-do list starts to get longer w/ other responsibilities I get really discouraged and overwhelmed…It starts to make me wonder why I even bother trying to pursue anything outside of taking care of kids and the house, but I know that is not the right attitude.
Good for you for asking for help. I will pray that God give you continued space for your writing (and energy and ideas!) and the wisdom to find help when you need it.
All of these days are a part of his plan…keep looking upwards!!
Hang in there friend! I’m glad you have family that loves and cares for you. The best thing was just taking time to play and have some fun with T. I know he enjoyed it too! I’m not writing a book but, I know how distracted I can get with things and with my house, home schooling, etc. It’s good to cry sometimes! There is a sweet release that come from tears. Healing. Praying today is a good one!
Lisa, Thank you so much! It’s nice to know I’m not alone! Sometimes I too wonder why I “have” to do this, in why I have this passion and drive. I always come back to the same answer, it comes from God and HE is the one who equips me!
Jen, You are so right. I enjoyed playing with him even more than usual that day. I think God blessed the little writing time I did have then after that! No matter what our situation, mothers have this continual pull in so many directions. Thanks for the encouragement!